Roles in a System

 When you read the word "system" I'm sure your first thoughts are computer systems, gears shifting together as one, or even biological systems. Ecosystems? All of these are indeed systems. They are separate parts with separate roles that all make something work, whether smoothly or otherwise.

And whether or not you've thought about it, one system you're all in, or have experienced, is a family. Whether your family looks like it came out of a cheesy commercial or whether you've chosen a more unique route, whether you're thinking of the one you were born into or the one you formed yourself, you are still a part of one.

I come from a traditional family with a mother and father who have only been married to each other since before my older sister was born and are still together as I'm writing this. My older sister and I were the only children raised in a home where we were taught religious values and life skills as our parents deemed right.

In this system, everyone has roles. My mother pays the bills with the money my father brings home. My sister set an example of academic excellence and artistic talent for me. I personally picked up the role of peace-keeper. As peace-keeper, I place priority in my life on helping everyone else get along. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. We'll start with bad so we can end on good.

Bad: I keep my problems to myself as much as possible. I feel a sense of urgency and responsibility to make everyone happy. I often feel like I don't have a choice about helping them. I'm scared to let anyone help me.

Good: My humility can solve a variety of problems. I become a trusted individual where people can receive help even in small ways. I learn how to cooperate well. My family feels love and safety from me.

Some of this role follows me into my apartment. My roommate will witness, all of these above mentioned points are true about me. Why would I carry that with me? Because it's family... I mean familiar. Oh yeah. family and familiar are extremely similar words. That's because family is what forms who we are. We fit into this space, the rules we learned, the role we played even when we get into the "real world." Think about it for a while.

So what happens when you make a family of your own? Will your role help you or become a problem? Well that depends on how your role affects everyone individually. Will my keeping my problems to myself ruin my relationship with my husband? (whom I don't have yet by the way.) Will it serve as a good way to help my kids cooperate or will my gentle nature cause them to become rebellious? Often we are not conscious enough of how our family will pick up stronger roles in the absence of our roles. Chances are that my family will become more assertive because I'm not. That could be good, or might be negative.

The lesson to take away from this... system of parts is that we must be intentional about the behaviors and roles we pick up. In various capacities, we can impact a lot of other people, even when desperately trying not to impact them. This includes the workplace, mind you! I can be a peacemaker at work every bit as much as at home, and it's essentially I know how that affects others.

It's essentially you are aware of your roles too.

As one last thought, I'd like to ask some help. It's not hard to understand how a house without boundaries is a house in ruins, or how a house that's blocked off is a foreboding mansion. So where does compassion stop and boundaries start? How do you tear down a wall that has been built up for years? Is it even safe to do so? Let me know your thoughts, this is a genuine question I'm seeking an answer to.