Genders and Attraction

We are in a world and a population driven by choice. Choice to be who we  want to be, choice to live how we want to live, even the choice to love who we want to love. Never have I supported a force more than the agency of humans! From freeing African Americans from slavery to the Women's Right's movement, we started a wave of freedom to choose and become.

However, all is not well in the world. Quite the opposite, our world is tearing itself apart at the seams. Why? If there are so many positive things happening, than what is the problem. The problem is that few people realize we are actually taking away choice.

For instance, gender. Even before the revolutions of today, girls who loved football and boys who loved dance were frowned upon, even made fun of. There is a reason behind this. In various scientific studies, girls have preferences toward little details, connections, and relationships, whereas boys have preferences toward violence, direction, and efficiency. These actually enable us to do our jobs better, especially in the family.

Women's attention to detail and relationships helps them to be caring toward children, even when the child can't communicate effectively. Alternatively, men's desire for violence and problem solving (along with a physical increase in strength) helps them keep a cool head if their family is in danger, thus they can be protectors. These are, in fact, strengths. In fact, they help out in jobs. It sounds strange, but it works.

So let's discuss the problem with those "categories." Not everyone fits! In fact, most people don't. But instead of accepting that we are all a mix of both a male and a female parent, we freak out about it. I have a friend whom I'll call Crow, who identifies as "pansexual" or essentially "both." When asked why they identify themselves that way, Crow said "it just... fits I guess." Crow was born male but he said "I can't see myself as a boy. I feel a lot more free."

Maybe it may seem freeing to not claim a gender, but ironically, this limits his options a lot. As I said earlier, being one gender gives you huge advantages. He could learn how to cope with the problems in his life a lot better with the awareness of what his natural strengths are, even if he doesn't fit all of them. Worse, if we are decided by how we feel, do we truly have any freedom to decide what to do?

This situation gets worse when we start talking about it. Soon we find ourselves forcing people to follow trends instead of being who they are. Crow, for instance said that "being around trans people helped [him]", as well as his friends, or even just seeing a title for something on the internet. When it comes to his family, he said they didn't influence him at all. Although that may seem good, it shows a neglect of children and can lead to other problems.

One of those problems is attraction. Crow identified himself as not caring about gender attraction at all. This isn't unusual for someone of his age, as he is still young. Yet somehow he is now limited by the assumption he can't love anyone of any gender. He says he's discovering himself and making him happier, but that's certainly not the case for others. (My experience says it's not working for him either.)

Often people become identified as "gay" or "lesbian" for choices they didn't even make. This label being thrown around takes away their choices, to the point it tears them to shreds inside. They frequently become afraid of their family or of themselves, and feel lost without direction in their life. Some try to escape these feelings but feel tied down to "who they truly are." Many feel like no one else will love them. There's a movement to ban therapy for these people. Wouldn't that be restricting their choice even more?

It gets better. When people make choices only for themselves, even if it is their choice, they restrict the choices of others in the process. Take a homosexual couple. Perhaps that's their conscious choice and they don't feel forced into it by anyone or anything. As soon as they adopt kids, they take away those children's choices. A child of a gay couple will never have the natural understanding and comfort of a mother. They'll never believe they can trust themselves.

What about the feminine activist that wants women to have exactly the same jobs as men? If that goes through, consumers will lose the service they received. For example, a firefighter requires a great deal of strength. If girls with less strength get involved, then a struggling family may lose their home or a loved one because of the work employed. Further, as women get those jobs, men will be forced to get jobs with more emotional interaction, which may lead to greater misunderstandings and even arguments. (I should know, my dad sees it in his office a lot.)

Your choices influence others' agency. Think it through and do your research before you do what "feels right."