What is a family crisis? I would argue that it is something that doesn't truly exist. A singular event that breaks a family is rare. However, when a pile of stressors or crises together are working against a family, than one event may tip the scales. Anyone who claims they only had one event that broke their family clearly has a near perfect life with no other issues.
This isn't unlike the economic term "depression." Economists avoid this word because it implies a singular spacious event. They prefer to call it recession, as finances and well-being decrease. This parallels to families in that a singular crisis doesn't happen, but the way that various events stack up does. So let's taught stressors.
In my family, a common stressor was unemployment. I'm aware of at least four times in my 18 years of life when my dad was without a job for extended periods of time. However, I'm ashamed to say I don't honestly know if that number is correct, how long the breaks were, or what jobs were on either side of that time.
The reason? It never had a predictable and obvious effect on me. Unlike other families short on money, I never needed to work, I never went hungry, we never lost our home, and honestly I was just grateful that "daddy" was home! Looking back, however, I see how this changed how my family worked. My mom was so accustomed to being short on money that she started to compensate for it. That made her much more in a position of authority over my dad. She started to worry that we would never have enough, even when he got his job back. (We'll be back here soon)
Another stressor that has affected me and people I know, like my roommate, is medical issues. Surgeries, severe diseases, and continuous medication all place a constant pressure on the time, money, and emotional stability of my family or families I've known.
How about extended family? While some may enjoy the stability of confiding in cousins or married siblings, sometimes it's a huge feud. Various personalities take sides on issues, rallying around individuals and becoming spitting mad at others. Taking care of grandparents can become difficult as everyone loves them but don't trust others to take care of them.
I've also seen the stresses of a rebellious child or toxic family member, whom we tried to work with only to inevitably destroy that relationship to be slowly healed over years.
For all of these, resources become depleted. For all of them people will feel insecure, lonely, or depressed. For all of them blame will be passed around and loyalties questioned. Only when all of these stack up does one face "crisis." It's never just one issue but many. How we cope with them could change the family relationships entirely!
So what to do. You've had problem after problem and you face genuine crisis. How do you cause the family to bounce back and become stronger instead of destroying it?
First, acknowledge that there's a problem. instead of going into denial or avoiding the issue. It may seem easier to let the problem pass without you, but if you don't acknowledge it, you can't respond to it. effectively. Stress will put your mind under pressure, but instead of running away or ignoring the threat, it's more healthy to make decisions and draw closer to the family.
Look at various ineffective methods of coping: drugs, alcohol, sleep, divorce, not talking about it, etc. These are all an effort to get away from the problem, but they don't solve anything. Communicating with your family and finding a solution alongside them is the best way to make sure that crisis makes the family stronger under the stress of life.
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