Infidelity

If you've been following the flow of my posts, congratulations, because you've passed the easy part of getting married. Now the goal is to keep you there. (Ok let's be honest you're not following this timeline in real life, but it was a catchy way to start.)

Infidelity is commonly seen as someone who has this secret relationship on the side. Their spouse has been unsatisfactory in some way so they wander off and find someone else, trying to avoid getting in trouble for it. I especially liked the fictional story of a man who found out about a magician who could send him into any book he desired and thus could have his dream affair with only the perfect women. Why? Because silly as this sounds, with a bald man in romance novels, it's not too far-fetched.

Disloyalty to a spouse isn't exclusive to a sexual relationship with another person, it can be emotional, solitary, and even platonic! I'll demonstrate this with three fictional people: Amotiph, Solitaire, and Platone (creative right?). All of these have a relationship of some kind with a married woman, whom I'll just say is me in spite of the fact I'm not married.

First, Amotiph is a good friend of mine whom I met online. He's a really nice guy, and I knew him years ago before I got married. Obviously I'll never meet him in person, but that's ok, then I can be loyal to my husband. But sometimes, it's really nice to talk to him when my husband is at work. Life is so hard and sometimes I just need someone to talk to, and my husband just doesn't have the time. Along with that, he's understanding! Always there for me, and it's ok because he's so far away.

So let's actually look at this. Amotiph is a perfect example of emotional infidelity. Instead of binding closer to [my] husband, I'm leaning on someone else. I haven't placed full trust in him, and so quickly I'll feel more disconnected from my husband. I won't think he fills my needs and so I'll be more inclined to find people who can help me emotionally. There may be no physical betrayal, but it's every bit as bad for the relationship and for me. This is one of four types of infidelity, called emotional attached, or romantic.

Second, we've got Solitaire. Solitaire has never met me, he's a stranger I saw online or on the street. He's the smoking hot guy we passed at the coffee shop or the romantic partner in that Hallmark movie. I don't need to watch inappropriate videos with Solitaire in them, though I can. He's everywhere and I know it, even when child restrictions are on my electronics.

This is a combination of two other types of affairs, the fantasy and the visual affairs. These are emotional or physical detached type. Even if it's not directly pornographic, it creates a sense of dissatisfaction with my husband and so I don't come to him as often, and I tend to compare him to unreasonable standards. Instead of being one with him, I scold him for not being good enough. Imagine what that'll do to him!

Third, Platone is a close family member. I've always relied on her for help, and she guided me through all my darkest times and most developmental moments. She's a safe person to talk to, and she understands everything I'm going through with this pain of a husband I have! I don't know how I would cope without her.

Here we see a clearly platonic relationship, not a direct affair in any way because it's categorized by a different type of love. However, it's very dangerous for people to confide in their family members. The first problem is that then I lean on them instead of my husband, which destroys the foundation of a marriage, but it gets worse. Frequently it becomes inflated gossip, and it leads me to despise my husband quietly. It may seem harmless, but it can drive apart a crucial relationship.

Affairs and infidelity is any way that you stray from your spouse and your commitment to them. It's not reserved for a sexual relationship, so it's a much more pervasive issue. Now before I leave, what is there to do about this? Well first, be aware of when you're falling into this and start to hide your true loyalties from your spouse. Then, tell your spouse what's wrong! It may seem nerve-wracking, but telling them will help you to work through it and build up that connection. It's a matter of trust and loyalty, so maintaining that is of utmost importance.