Marriage

"After college, I'll get a job, settle down, and have a family."

Ah what a naive notion. Having a family and settling down have nothing to do with each other. Just ask all those jumpy little kids, trust me, there's nothing like it. There are lots of decisions and struggles we go through during the stages of the marriage and the first child. Said decisions can either make your life happier and family stronger, or cause it to all go downhill. No pressure.

The good news about all this, is that there's one simple solution to all of it. Work together, not alone.

First, let's talk engagement and the marriage itself. This particular time period is a balancing act of what is expected of the bride and groom, what the parents want, what the public wants, what traditions to hold, and where fun comes in. This is also a time when the first problems come up. Often, these events are considered to be something the bride and her mother do, and the groom is left out of. However that's a great fast-track to feeling left out and separated from your spouse long-term.

Not only that, but it can simply be a lot of stress to put on the already stressed women! Guys are natural problem-solvers, and believe it or not, they want to be involved. Alongside that, you may consider letting more of your family help. As outside family pitches in on the decisions and resources of a wedding and reception, it can help keep costs lower and allow the family to have more fun! Tradition does have a place in this, but having a good time and thinking back on a fun experience will last a lot longer than what you were "supposed to do."

Besides, studies show that every dollar you spend more that $25,000 on a wedding, will decrease the chances of success in the marriage. So less stress, better relationship.

Second, Once you are married, then what? Well then husband and wife are faced with the task of making decisions. Will they follow what their parents taught them, or forge their own path? How will they handle conflict? How will they disconnect from their families without offending anyone? How will they raise their kids? How do you split finances? These among others are just the start of a long list of considerations.

Whatever you choose on these topics, don't forget to work together. The biggest problems in an early relationship is miscommunications and lack of involvement. In a traditional family, if the man is working a lot, the woman may start to feel like he loves his job more that her, so she retreats from him. Seeing this retreat, and possibly an equal amount of drained time to a child, the man may say that the woman doesn't want him involved in their lives and so he will work harder separately. Well spoiler alert, the management of time that these two are frustrated about is actually a demonstration of love. It's important to remember that and communicate it through.

That said, a husband and wife can sometimes feel separated by the presence of a child, or two, or more. While that can feel like a strain on the relationship, if it's done right, parenting can draw the couple together more. The key here is to simultaneously act as parents. Women may be the ones to bare the child, but if given the opportunity, men can experience the same excitement! (Not the pain, but who would wish that on anyone?) This is why one of the greatest demonstrations of love a husband can show is to be a dad when mom is asleep.

Of course, these are just suggestions. But the point is, work together. As a couple, no child can tear you apart if you raised it together. No financial or familial challenge can either. It requires focus and attention to maintain that connection and trust with your partner, but if you do, you're relationship will continue to grow and flourish no matter what.