Parenting

Parenting is an interesting challenge. Most parents want only the best for their children, but they frequently don't understand how to obtain that. There are dangers in parenting that, while not critically bad if you didn't know them, can help immensely if you do know.

First, let's talk discipline. If you know anything about children, whether your own or the neighbor down the street, (or maybe even yourself, who knows?) then you know they're a little insufferable at times. I know personally I've seen kids play political cards on me, manipulate their parents or just be incredibly whiny and fussy. Some of these tendencies are from the personality of a stubborn child, but some of them are enforced by the parents. So what do we do?

Well kids want to be respected, and inevitably they will be. So politely request they do something first. For some kids, that'll be enough, and they'll feel trusted. But for others, they won't feel power in that and will ignore you. So after you make requests, give them an "I feel" statement like the ones listed earlier in the blog. This can open their eyes to concepts they didn't think about, like how they are effecting others. If they still don't care, you put your foot down, simply telling them to do it. If none of this works, there are consequences that can be enforced. However, consequences must be clear and logical. Remember, you are training intelligent beings. They WILL eventually figure out the holes in your logic.

So what do I mean by consequences. Well if you're a mature adult, which I would never dare claim for myself, then you would know what natural consequences are. When you jump off a cliff, you'll die. If you leave a metal object in the rain, it'll rust. These are natural consequences, and these are things that kids don't understand. Thus, they are things you must teach them.

If you give them little choices, like what to wear, the natural consequence can play out without issues. If it's a bigger natural consequence, like when a child has a habit of throwing their phone, you can employ a logical consequence, like taking the phone away. After all, if they break the phone, they won't be able to use it anyway. Whatever consequences you employ with a child, make sure to discuss with them what will happen, enforce it the first time, and keep to the rule.

Now there are needs that we all have, and especially need to have nurtured as children. These needs are contact, belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge.These needs are complicated but when left uncared for, can lead to the downfall of anyone.

First, contact. It's a scientific fact, that humans need physical contact with each other. Babies who have been held and cared for will become physically healthier than those with only their basic needs met. This holds true for all ages. Kids who are deprived of the contact they need will become attention seekers, which is annoying, but it demonstrates a need that should be filled, not ignored.

As much as kids don't like chores, they help create a sense of belonging. When you contribute something to the home, like any team, it creates a place where you feel needed and important. I can witness to this, as I was part of the cast in a Renaissance Fair, I contributed my services night and day, and now they feel like family to me, tiring as it was.

Power over your own life is something that a lot of people ignore. But we crave it. When someone isn't given the opportunity to make choices for themselves, they find other ways to obtain power. These include rebelliousness and manipulation. If you give children and teens the opportunity to make choices and even mistakes in their own lives on a small level, it helps them feel confident in themselves.

Protection is something everyone must feel, but sadly it can't only come from the parents. You must teach kids to protect themselves. Now I'm not saying to enroll them in self-defense classes, but teach them how to be assertive, and how to forgive. Assertiveness is tricky here because that means that they can be assertive with their parents too. They can't practice on just anyone, so the parents have to let them see how it works. With forgiveness, they're going to get hurt, so you teach them how to forgive and in turn you forgive them for their weaknesses.

Almost there! We have withdrawal. Sometimes you just need a break. Being a work-aholic or always gaming are both bad. You teach hard work, but you allow cool downs. I think in a world of introverts, this is also true on a social level. Teach them that it's ok to tell your friends "hey I need a day away from people" so they can recoop.

Lastly, challenge. I know in my experience, I get depressed when I'm not learning a new skill. I tune out of classes and I become annoying with my roommates. Some people will make their own challenges through things like thrill-seeking. No matter what happens, it's unhealthy. We are intelligent beings that need to grow and improve, so let talents grow! Teach learning and practice, and you'll be surprised how much they enjoy the challenge.